Repetition
by dazai-san
Summary: "If you repeat something over and over, it loses its meaning." Hiei perhaps abuses this privilege. But the hurtful words don't hurt as much. What do they mean? Hiei has forgotten the real meaning. He doesn't want to know. [Poem "Repetition" by Phil Kaye.]


**Repetition**

 _ **Just a little something to get me back into writing… and I managed to fall in love with YYH… again. This fanfiction is inspired by Phil Kaye's poem "Repetition"; it truly is a piece of work, go listen to it. However, really, I only needed a couple of lines from it.**_

 _ **It's KuraHi, but only slightly; it can be read as close friendship if you wish.**_

" _If you repeat something over and over again, it loses its meaning."_

' _Useless, useless, useless, useless, useless, useless uselessuselessuselessuselessuselessuseless.'_

Repeating the words over, and over, and over again helps. The cutting blade of them dulls, it's no longer so sharp. "Useless" has no meaning now. What does this "useless" mean? Hiei has forgotten the real meaning. He doesn't want to know anymore.

" _This became my favorite game. It made the sting of words evaporate."_

At night he curls in on himself, repeating the words that hurt over, and over, and over again. For just a short while, he forgets the meaning of those words. He is unworthy, unworthy, _unworthy, unworthy, unworthy, unworthy, unworthyunworthyunworthyunworthyunworthy_ of such a reprieve, even if it's only brief. What does this "unworthy" mean? Hiei has forgotten the real meaning. He doesn't want to know anymore.

" _If you just wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, one day, you'll forget why."_

How many times has he been captured, only to be awaken with a rough shout of "wake up"? Why does he, anyway, when all that awaits is just more pain, pain, _pain, pain, pain, pain, painpainpainpainpain_. What does this "pain" mean? Hiei has forgotten the real meaning. He doesn't want to know anymore.

" _You make the same mistake over and over, you'll stop calling it a mistake."_

He's so used to living in the Makai, where manners don't matter much to him anymore—survival is much more important—that whenever somebody he doesn't know well speaks to him, he's rude, despite himself. He's gotten used to it. It's no longer a mistake to him, but he knows he's despicable, despicable, _despicable, despicable, despicable, despicable, despicabledespicabledespicabledespicabledespicable._ What does this "despicable" mean? Hiei has forgotten the real meaning. He doesn't want to know anymore.

" _Fate is a cruel and efficient tutor."_

It doesn't work anymore. Perhaps staying in the mountains too long does that too you. His teeth chatter occasionally, but it just makes the meaning of his words so much more important. Those painful words, _h-hate, h-hate, h-h-hate…_ he feels the meaning of the words too much. He hates it. What does this "hate" mean? Hiei doesn't want to know. But he does, and perhaps he realizes that words are not meant to be wasted.

" _You feel the meaning of every word drag itself up your throat."_

The chatter of his teeth—stuttering—disappears after a while. But still, even at night, when he digs his blunt fingernails into his black hair, chanting the words over, and over, and over again like a mantra, the meaning still burns itself in his mind. Unloved, unloved, _unloved, unloved, unloved, unloved, unlovedunlovedunlovedunlovedunloved_. What does this "unloved" mean? Hiei doesn't want to know. But he does, and perhaps he realizes that words are not meant to be wasted.

" _I still feel the claw of meaning in the bottom of my heart."_

He feels Kurama's breath in his hair and draws warmth from his body. Hiei murmurs something softly into Kurama's clothing, and he knows Kurama can hear, despite the horrible stuttering.

" _I-I-I love you."_

" _You can hear the scratching of an I-I-I-I love you."_

… _ **I hoped that was enjoyable. Did you notice, every time a word was repeated, it was written in normal font twice, in Italics four times, and in a single mashed up word five times? If you did, congrats. I did that on purpose. ("Useless" is an exception to the first rule.)**_

 _ **Please drop a review about your thoughts on this one-shot and give Phil Kaye's "Repetition" a shot! It's a lovely poem.**_


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